Farting rocks.
Everyone farts. We're human, its just what we do. We know how relieving it feels to just let one rip, and we also know how uncomfortable it can make you if you really have to fart but can't, say because you are in public, or in the company of others whom you do not feel comfortable farting around. Heres our story:
Dave and I have been together for almost 2.5 years, and for the majority of that time we couldn't fart in the company of the other person. In the beginning it was bad. When I moved into Dave's small (but nice) Manhattan studio apartment, I was very self-conscious, even in the bathroom. I couldn't make #2 with him in the next room, for fear of odd sounds and the inevitable waft when I opened the bathroom door. He was the same way. Luckily, our work schedules conflicted just enough to allow for the requisite alone time in the apartment to "handle our business" so we weren't completely full of sh**. But it soon became ridiculous and our bodies were very disappointed, so in this regard we quickly overcame the shame of our humanity. The bathroom became the flatulence etc. sanctuary--anything goes!...as long as it stays in the bathroom.
Yet despite our breakthrough with the bathroom, we still had the problem of farting in front of each other. Or not farting, as it was. Admittedly, there was progress: overtime it went from zero farting in front of the other, to running to the bathroom to fart, even in the middle of LOST (ok, this was just me), to farting just when you knew it would be silent (and praying it wasn't violent). For two years our routine went like this.
And then Dave proposed.
Immediately it became apparent that if I was going to be with this guy for the rest of my life, I would need to learn to fart in front of him. So I let one rip. And then I said "yes."
Nah, just kidding. I didn't do that. But wouldn't it be funny if I did?
When Dave and I arrived in Hawaii--exhausted yet happy--our lives took on a different set of priorities. I don't know whether it was the engagement or the environment, but suddenly, farting in front of each other was no big deal. Now, it happens all the time. And we are much happier and healthier because of it.
Moral of this story? Don't marry 'em until you can fart in front of 'em.
Dave and I have been together for almost 2.5 years, and for the majority of that time we couldn't fart in the company of the other person. In the beginning it was bad. When I moved into Dave's small (but nice) Manhattan studio apartment, I was very self-conscious, even in the bathroom. I couldn't make #2 with him in the next room, for fear of odd sounds and the inevitable waft when I opened the bathroom door. He was the same way. Luckily, our work schedules conflicted just enough to allow for the requisite alone time in the apartment to "handle our business" so we weren't completely full of sh**. But it soon became ridiculous and our bodies were very disappointed, so in this regard we quickly overcame the shame of our humanity. The bathroom became the flatulence etc. sanctuary--anything goes!...as long as it stays in the bathroom.
Yet despite our breakthrough with the bathroom, we still had the problem of farting in front of each other. Or not farting, as it was. Admittedly, there was progress: overtime it went from zero farting in front of the other, to running to the bathroom to fart, even in the middle of LOST (ok, this was just me), to farting just when you knew it would be silent (and praying it wasn't violent). For two years our routine went like this.
And then Dave proposed.
Immediately it became apparent that if I was going to be with this guy for the rest of my life, I would need to learn to fart in front of him. So I let one rip. And then I said "yes."
Nah, just kidding. I didn't do that. But wouldn't it be funny if I did?
When Dave and I arrived in Hawaii--exhausted yet happy--our lives took on a different set of priorities. I don't know whether it was the engagement or the environment, but suddenly, farting in front of each other was no big deal. Now, it happens all the time. And we are much happier and healthier because of it.
Moral of this story? Don't marry 'em until you can fart in front of 'em.
posted by Vaashti at
10:34 PM
2 Comments:
Too Funny! Thanks for sharing that?
umm, how did i just discover your website?? brilliant. unforch, i married before farting, but am slowly making up for it. i now "toot" in front of marco.
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